Food or Decorations?

I just watched a TV show called Party Girl which aired on the Discovery Home Channel. In this episode, the show hostess, Cathy Riva, planned a Mad Hatter’s Tea for Tracy Stern. Tracy Stern, as some of you may know, owns a tea business and has written a tea party book. Apparently Tracy is so busy with her tea business that she can’t find time to plan and host her own tea.

For the Mad Hatter’s Tea, Cathy painted her own teapots at a ceramics store. She created tie belts as favors for the guests. She and Tracy decorated store-bought cupcakes. The Mad Hatter’s Tea was held in a private room in a restaurant so Cathy had only the table to decorate; she used wheat grass and roses. Guests were presented with Mad Hatter dress up accessories. All nice details for sure.

As I watched, I kept thinking about the food. Tracy got in a couple plugs for the tea that she sells but only cupcakes had been mentioned throughout most of the show. Finally as the guests sat down, we were told that they wouldn’t be serving traditional tea food instead the restaurant served sushi. The camera panned so quickly that I am not even certain what the second dish was, some kind of meat skewer, I believe.

This looked like a fun party but it made me wonder whether food takes a backseat to decorations in other people’s parties. I started to question whether I’m out of step with other party givers because my focus is on the food, after the guests, of course.

I think that most of us consider giving a party a personal experience and rarely hold them in restaurants. And there is only so much decorating that we can do in our homes. I mean, your husband’s ratty old tv chair is still going to be in the room and you really can’t afford to paint according to the holiday of the month.

On the other hand, the first question anyone asks when you mention you’ve been to a party is “What did you have to eat?” I don’t believe I’ve ever been asked “What flowers were on the table?”

So, what do you consider to be the primary feature of a party, a tea party or any other kind? Let’s make it a given that the guests come first but then what? Do the decorations make the party, does the food, what about music or party favors? When you tell your friend that you went to a great party, what makes it great?

Tea Etiquette

A lot of people today seem to be making a living from selling tea etiquette. There are entire books devoted to this subject and long chapters in most every other tea book. Tea etiquette lecturers proclaim that they are experts, trained by some prestigious-sounding institute. And page after web page tells us how to behave at teas. To all this I say, "Nonsense!"

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate good manners and a broad working knowledge of etiquette. But make it practical, make it relate to real situations, don’t try to make rules for the sake of making rules. I like the etiquette of "don’t gross out your dining companions." You know, don’t chew with your mouth open, don’t put your used napkin on the table, don’t mess your food around on your plate. And I appreciate the etiquette of formal situations; this keeps everyone on the same page. At a funeral when everyone is distressed, no one needs to think of what to do, the rules of etiquette take over.

Do we really need a rule of etiquette that tells us not to touch the side of the teacup with the spoon? Common sense and even absent-minded observation tells us that the teacup is delicate and clanking against it with a spoon might damage it. And why must it be prescribed which way the teapot sits on the table? The hostess should be able to reach the handle easily, nothing more.

And then there is always the pinkie question. So many teacups have either tiny handles or no handles at all. A tea drinker might find it more comfortable to extend her pinkie--that shouldn’t elicit snickers from her companions. Who cares!

The owner of a Brighton tea shop called the Tea Cosy was recently made fun of by a London newspaper writer for having a list of rules on how to behave in his tearoom. There, being critical of the royal family will get you kicked out as quickly as slurping your tea. A tearoom close to me in the US used to state in their ads and web page that "Tea is a dress up occasion. Hats and gloves are not mandatory but they are appreciated." Then a long list of banned clothing followed. In both cases, the owner is trying to foist his fantasy onto his customers. It is up to the customers whether to buy into this silliness or drink tea somewhere else.

My rules of tea etiquette are the same as my rules for any time one eats in public: don’t make a mess and don’t annoy your dining companions, be gracious, be kind, be upbeat.

Three-Tiered Serving Dishes

Before I start on the next tea theme, I wanted to address a question I received about tiered serving trays. These trays are convenient for tearoom use because the waitress can leave it on the customer’s table and her job is done. It means a lot fewer dishes to wash too.

In my home, I prefer to plate the individual courses and bring them to the table. I would have to go to the kitchen anyway, to refill the teapot, to pull scones out of the oven at the last minute, to get the tea sandwiches from the fridge so they are nice and cold. I don’t find it awkward to leave the table for the few moments it takes to plate the food.

I’ve accumulated a lot of dishes through the years so it isn’t a problem for me to change plates four times. If, however, I didn’t have so many plates, I’d serve the courses on individual platters so that the guests could keep their same plates.

For large tea parties, I often serve buffet style. I place the food for all the courses on the sideboard for guests to help themselves. Here I do use tiered serving trays but holding one food only. My silver tiered tray might hold cream puffs and my blue tiered tray might hold only tea cakes. It doesn’t take long for a tray to be filled when you are serving a dozen or more people; it won't look skimpy.

I like offering my guests the option of returning to the buffet for seconds. I never count only one sandwich or scone per guest. Full platters, bowls or tiered trays let my guests know that it is okay to take a bit more. Some might find it surprising that guests do make a second pass but I don’t believe I’ve ever hosted a buffet tea where this didn’t happen.

For most people, a tea is a special occasion. Instead of bringing a tiered tray to the tea table with the complete menu and expecting the guests to help themselves, add an extra bit of attention and serve your guests yourself. Or serve your tea buffet style and let the guests know it is okay to take another stuffed grape…or three.